Alright, here's my real diary.

What I say in here, I ask of you not to share with anyone other than others that are allowed to see this. As I warned on my main diary page, I tend to talk about heavier things here. Please be aware of this.

He's about to cut off my access to the internet so before I leave I need to say this: I'm srry I'm sorry I'm so fucking sorry for everything I've ever done I'm a complete demon I'm such a monster I'm sorry I don't even know why I'm like this. Maybe things are better off like this. goodbye

(postscript: clay is the one that got me into drinking alcohol. i can't hide this anymore. he's sunken to the deepest depravity one can sink to and i have to speak up about it.)

I'm so scared. Does this count as kidnapping I need to leavce someohow

I wanna go home

Why are you talking about these fucking "mirthful messiahs" just let me leave let me get out of here

I couldn't even object to that. Not like I can object to this either.

I know sheleft you and she left me and we both need someonr but I don't like you in that way pleae let me leave please please please

Of course you only see me as an object anymore everyone does

He won't let me go home oh my god

Why would you ever fucking do that to someone I know I'm a terrible person but oh my god why would you do that to me

Is that why he wanted me

Hopre someonw kils me om my way to Ckays' houdse

I havbe noone anymorw Iw anna die

Whgy edoes cLay wnat me ovet I dnot even likfe him

Noteven beigf durnk helpms me anymroe I feelk worsde now

Time to forget everything I am and have been! Lol.

I don't even remember anything that happened that night. If I've engaged in any infidelity I've already forgotten about it.

There was that time I woke up in a random girl's house, though. Who cares anymore though. I don't.

"I just want you to recover from your addiction" 1. I'm not addicted I can literally stop any time I want to this is just my only way of coping anymore, and 2. Too bad I'd rather get worse

I want to be numb.

It's too late for me to even say sorry. I've already done everything to make her hate me and I can't do anything about it. I can't make her change her mind. Not like there'd even be a point anyway.

I will never know who I am.

She hates me now for SUREEEEE but I can't stop myself somebody save me help me get me out of this love me love me love me

Oh. So apparently I passed out in a pool of my bodily fluid. That's great.

I wantto feelnlike thisuntil I die

Judt ufkcinf did thag and my girlfrtnd saw but eho caares lololololol

About to do just that. Haha.

What if I just straight up used my fake ID to order a drink from a bar or something? Because so far I've either stolen all of the alcohol I've drank from my caretakers or bought them from the liquor store using said fake ID.

I probably shouldn't. I know I shouldn't. But I don't care anymore. I don't care about anything. Teehee.

I feel like I simultaneously know myself more and less every single day.

I've fallen off the deep end. Oh no. Let's go deeper. I want to know what makes me tick. I clearly don't know myself at all. So let's learn.

I need to drink less but I can't. This is one of the only things that makes me feel good anymore and I can't have it taken from me. Please don't let me go back to how I was.

Woke up in a completr stranger's house. Who is this girl.

Aboyt to fuckngnDo.


Tocuh md touch me touchme hold me pleadse

Mydad isnent even alife anymore hed dead in spave ZWHOO CAREESSS WHY was I so sadf abut that

kill Kill KILLLLL


Drunj again,

"It's only twice a day." Fucking liar.

I hate myself!!

I need attention I need people to look at me and I need to be seen and cared about and touched. Touched everywhere. I crave all kinds of touch. Every time someone isn't looking at me, I feel empty and useless, because I am.

God, what's wrong with me?

"Stop destroying yourself." Implying that I'm not beyond any sort of repair yet.

I'm so sick. I can't stop throwing up and I feel so awful. Worst of all is that I remember now.

I want to do this all again.

Cna ij ust be likevthis forevet


If tgese bitchse dont stoop fuckint with md RIGHT NOW Im gonnaa bredk some necjs


Whywas I eveng sad I donr rmebetr now

fuckgnf wastef

I hate the world. I need a drink

What the fuck what the fuck

So they all fucking lied to me

Currently in desperate need of lithium.

Yes, you may go to therapy, but do you have over a hundred euphemisms written down in your scientific note-taking notebook for the doingle sploingle?

Why am I like this


I!!1 dont caare anymoee


Nevermind I sploinkied that yoinky euphoria time!!

Can someone tell me who I am? I don't know anymore. I've forgotten. Everything's just faded away.

"You're Keni."

I know my name. I've always known my name. But I don't know my identity. What is my identity? Who am I? Who am I???

I feel so awful. I want my father back. I've never met him but I want him back. Why has he been gone so long? It's been 16 years. Please. Please just come home. Come home to me. I miss you. I don't know you but I miss you so bad please please please come home

There is something I must come clean about.

I drink alcohol regularly. I am sure this is alarming due to my age. A certain person got me into this, and I am trying to fix it, even if it is usually only twice a day. Please forgive me.

Why was I updating this at a time like that why am I so STUPID. Please I am again asking you to ignore that.

hThe only mannI supprot is Karl Marcx

Gwugjhgkfjgkd what is hapening today, Ijust opend my wepsite and i'm realising it looksclike some bintch tgrew up a Unicorn birtday cake all overvit augh

I need to come clean about something eventually. It's just that, if anyone knew, would they still think of me in the same way?

Yet again asking you all to ignore that last entry.


Was recently asked which mental disorder I have. I don't know, we're in the same boat. I will be honest though, there is something deeply wrong with me.

I need attention. Please look at me. All of you. Now.

Why am I trying so hard to be flirtatious when I know all of the people I feel affectionate towards don't even look my way? I don't know. I just don't know. I don't know what's wrong with me.

Please forgive me, everyone, if I start being more emotionally unintelligent than usual on here. I have issues.

Ignore my last entry I don't know what that was.


Why am I doing this.

How have I already lied on my first entry? I love women. Why did I say that.